Flying blind

I’m in the third session of chemotherapy.  On Monday I got four hours of the usual toxins (oxaliplatin + calcium folinate + Avastin) followed by an injection of fluorouracil and a balloon pump full of 5 g of fluorouracil to take home with me.  It sounds just like the previous two sessions, and indeed the differences are minimal.  The first session I didn’t get the antibody that prevents angiogenesis.  It was too soon after surgery and I needed blood vessels growing.  The second session I got the antibody, but slowly. ...

Polysaccharide K

The second chemotherapy session is coming to an end, and if all of them are like this one, I can move with confidence.  Over the last two weeks, I felt like a normal person.  I worked, I ate and I played with the kids much as I used to do.  I didn’t feel limited in any way.  The side effects were extremely mild.  I forgot to take the anti-nausea capsule (I’m not good with drugs.) on the second day and didn’t suffer for it.  On the third day, I left it out on purpose.  During the second week, I experienced a slight...

Notes to self

With my mom in town for a week – highly appreciated for giving us a hand and lots of fun as well – I have even less time to write than normally.  How do regular bloggers manage to blog regularly?  Unless I lie in a hospital bed, I always find other things to do, and it’s suddenly the middle of the night and I should go to bed, and nothing has been posted to let you know and help me remember.On the one hand, this short and quickly composed post serves to dispel any concerns about my well-being you might harbor after three days of silence. ...

Snake oil

Desperate people are good business.  Hope sells for big money and with little consequence.  If a promise doesn’t hold, there’s hundreds more.  Just dig into the internet, and you’ll find miracle cures, life-extending elixirs and serpentine lube.  I’m not desperate, but I’m looking around to see what’s there to increase my chances of survival.  It would be delinquent not to do so.  I’ve already identified exercise, which is cheap (after the initial investment of the trainer) and uncontroversial, but is there anything...

Swiss health

Having cancer is rarely a good thing. It might focus your mind on the important things in life, but it also has a tendency to wipe out the newly gained focus by killing you. Most lives are better without cancer. Mine would be one of them, no doubt. But as I can’t choose and can’t change what has happened, I have to deal with it and fight it and win.  It seems to me that Switzerland is a good place to do so.  Here is my experience with the Swiss health system over the last two months.Switzerland has mandatory health insurance.  You...

Moderate exercise

Exercise helps.  This is almost universally true.  Whatever the ailment, if you get moving, you’ll do better.  According to recent studies, this is true for cancer as well.  Exercise is associated with a substantial decrease in cancer incidence as well as with a better response to chemotherapy or radiotherapy.  This is so uncontroversial by now that first studies are looking at exercise during chemotherapy, by letting the patient pedal while the drugs flow.I’m lying in a bed rather lifelessly, moving nothing more than my...

On the road

The thing is this:  If you don’t hear from me, it’s all good.  If nothing happens, I have nothing to write about (and if that were the end of this blog, I’d be the happiest person in the world). If I lie in hospital or a chemo session keeps me immobile, my laptop is where it belongs, and I type away.  If I don’t write, there’s nothing to write about.This is how it should be but last week showed that it’s not that easy.  The week was one story after another but I got around to summarizing it only on the plane to London on Sunday. ...

Rollercoaster week

This blog is a confidant to hear my monologues and ease the emotional burden of my battle with cancer, sharing any doubts, confusions, fears or pessimism I don’t want to carry alone.  For me, writing is almost like talking to a friend.  It helps me cope.  I don’t get feedback and support, and there is no warmth in the page glowing back at me, but I can much better put my feelings into words that don’t seem inappropriate or inadequate afterwards.  If they do, I can always change them.The blog is also a way of keeping my friends...